poems: We are proud to be kenyans

We don't buy books, we don't buy original CDs and DVDs

We don't buy either life or medical insurance

They are too expensive

We buy mobile phones, suits, shoes, cars, electronics and subscribe to pay TV

If we can't afford weddings we will organise 'goat eating' parties, invite you and expect your generous contribution

We can't tolerate burying our kith and kin in cemeteries or cremating them

Instead we hold harambees to cater for their transport and burial expenses, invite you and expect your generous contribution

We have electricity in our homes yet we charge our mobile phones at work

We are proud to be kenyans

When we vie for parliamentary seats we demand our tribes' unequivocal support

Once in parliament we skip as many sessions as possible except when there's a bill proposing to increase our already appetising pay and allowances

We specialise in calling press conferences and rallies to insult our political opponents

Yes men and women constitute our Constituencies Development Fund committees

After 5 years we seek re-election using copious currency notes as our primary campaign tool, not our development records

We are proud to be kenyans

We frequently use our mobile phones to 'flash' others

Or lie about our whereabouts when we answer calls from spouses and bosses

We throw bottles, paper bags, wrappers, cigarette butts, out of our vehicles' windows

We hoot at vehicles ahead of us in traffic jams, we jump red lights, we jaywalk

We spit anywhere there's a surface, please keep your face and shoes out of the way

We neither allow passengers to alight from matatus, nor let people step out of lifts

We unapologetically barge in

When public universities experience power blackouts we will stone your vehicles

We are proud to be kenyans

When it rains, when we disagree with government policies,

When we protest against harassment by traffic police officers

When Easter, Christmas and New Year's holidays arrive,

We double, triple, even quadruple bus fares

We instantly raise pump prices when global crude oil prices increase

But rarely reduce the former when the latter fall

We seldom renovate our commercial and residential buildings

''Tenant, why is your rent late?''

We are proud to be kenyans

We beg for handouts from our urban-based relatives

We oblige our grown-up children to take care of us in our old age

We expect our husbands to pay all the bills, update our wardrobes, take us out regularly, say, ''I love you,'' often and satisfy us in bed

We expect our wives to be loyal, cook, clean, look sexy, bear us sons and continuously forgive us for our flings

We are proud to be kenyans

poems