Why save money for tomorrow?

Today we might die in a road accident or plane crash

Today we might die of bomb blast, gunshot or stab wounds

Today we might die in an earthquake or tsunami

Today we might die of cancer, malaria, diabetes, TB...

So why save money for tomorrow?

Today the banks keeping our savings might go bankrupt

Today listed companies might not pay dividends to us shareholders during those annual general meetings

Today stock markets might crash with our stocks

Today our wives might file for divorce and the courts award them half our assets

So why save money for tomorrow?

Today our governments might devalue our countries' currencies

Today armies might topple governments

Today our governments might raise taxes

So why save money for tomorrow?

Today our friends drive luxury vehicles and we don't want to be the odd ones out

Today our friends wear designer clothes and shoes and we don't want to be the odd ones out

Today our friends sport the latest mobile phones and we don't want to be the odd ones out

Today our friends live in posh neighbourhoods and we don't want to be the odd ones out

Today our friends holiday abroad and we don't want to be the odd ones out

So why save money for tomorrow?

Today someone might request us to assist them settle their hospital bills

Today someone might request us to assist them meet their kin funeral expenses

Today a church or school official might request us to assist them construct buildings

Today a couple might request us to assist them meet their wedding bills

Today our retired parents might request us to repair their leaking roofs

So why save money for tomorrow?

Today companies might launch promotions that will enable us win cars, houses, holidays, airtime...

Today someone might promise us to double our money in minutes if we hand it over to them, close our eyes and pray

Today businesses might raise the prices of goods and services

So why save money for tomorrow?

copyright 2007: festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

 

Why did you split up?

After he lay his eyes on you he decided to pursue you

''Not so fast,'' you said, arresting him in his tracks

First, you had to certify that he had a solid financial foundation

Second, that he complimented you and made you laugh

Third, that he treated you with respect

Fourth, that he wanted a long-term relationship, not a one-night stand

Only after satisfying these requirements did you issue him a visa to your heart

He however had simple requirements: as long as you could cook and exhibited childbearing potential

After some years of phone calls, SMS, emails, lunch, dinner, picnics and movies

After some incidents of breaking up, making up and vice versa

One day he went down on one knee and asked, ''Honey, will you marry me?''

The rest, as it's claimed, is her story and his story

The sun brightened your wedding day like a newborn child brightens its parents' lives

The groom's party ensured their suits spotted no soot

The bridal party ensured they were pretty to the tee

Guests and gatecrashers were in high spirits as if they were high on narcotics

Inside the church building you tenderly held each other's ring fingers and lovingly looked into each other's eyes and like nursery school pupils on their first day, you repeated your marriage vows after the clergyman uttered them

A passionate kiss sealed the agreement

You were receptive to all breeds of advice at the reception

''A good wife does this and doesn't do that''

''A good husband does this and doesn't do that''

You received tonnes of gifts though some were generic

A political party membership was unnecessary  to join the evening party

You were still over the moon after your honeymoon

But you had to land back on earth, fast

Then it was back to normal: work, bills, in-laws, etc

The children arrived, the responsibilities increased

The '' I love you'' calls and SMS's reduced, flowers disappeared

Sex became boring, frowns replaced smiles, in-laws took sides

Did we make you split up? Did the financial, physical and moral responsibilities of maintaining a family become unbearable? P   pressure at work? What made you no longer want to see or speak to one another?

Why do you lie to your children that the other is to blame?

They deserve to know why you split up so that they can get on with their lives

copyright 2007: festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

Why are you pressuring them to tie the knot?

You won't be present when he spots that beautiful chick

You won't be present when he summons the guts to approach her

You won't be present when he prays she doesn't diss him

So why are you pestering him about when he will marry?

You won't be present when she sees him approaching her

You won't be present when she prays he doesn't use a tired pick-up line

You won't be present when she hopes he's brushed his teeth and applied roll-on

So why are you pestering her about when she will get married?

You won't be present when he fears she's after his money

You won't be present when he fears she will abscond if he loses his job

You won't be present when he fears there are other richer men pursuing her

So why are you pestering him about when he will marry?

You won't be present when she fears he's only after her body

You won't be present when she fears he will emotionally and physically abuse her

You won't be present when she fears he's a womaniser

So why are you pestering her about when she will get married?

You won't be present when his parents say she's not good enough for him

You won't be present when her parents say he's not good enough for her

You won't be present when both his and her friends support those views

So why are you pressuring them to tie the knot?

You won't be present when he proposes to her

You won't be present when he prays she says, "''Yes!''

Should she agree, you won't be present when they argue about the wedding budget, location, date, invitation list...

So why are you pressuring them to tie the knot?

You won't be present when he ponders whether he's marrying the right woman

You won't be present when she ponders whether she's marrying the right man

You won't be present when he no longer daily tells her, ''Darling, I love you.''

You won't be present when she claims she has a 'headache'

So why are you pressuring them to tie the knot?

You won't be present when they struggle to feed, clothe and educate their children

You won't be present when their teenage kids experiment with drugs, sex, booze...

You won't be present when they strive to accommodate their extended families' financial demands

So why are you pressuring them to tie the knot?

You won't be present when he's tempted to cheat on her

You won't be present when she's tempted to cheat on him

When death do them part, you won't be present as one grieves

So why are you pressuring them to tie the knot?

copyright 2007: festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

We are proud to be kenyans

We don't buy books, we don't buy original CDs and DVDs

We don't buy either life or medical insurance

They are too expensive

We buy mobile phones, suits, shoes, cars, electronics and subscribe to pay TV

If we can't afford weddings we will organise 'goat eating' parties, invite you and expect your generous contribution

We can't tolerate burying our kith and kin in cemeteries or cremating them

Instead we hold harambees to cater for their transport and burial expenses, invite you and expect your generous contribution

We have electricity in our homes yet we charge our mobile phones at work

We are proud to be kenyans

When we vie for parliamentary seats we demand our tribes' unequivocal support

Once in parliament we skip as many sessions as possible except when there's a bill proposing to increase our already appetising pay and allowances

We specialise in calling press conferences and rallies to insult our political opponents

Yes men and women constitute our Constituencies Development Fund committees

After 5 years we seek re-election using copious currency notes as our primary campaign tool, not our development records

We are proud to be kenyans

We frequently use our mobile phones to 'flash' others

Or lie about our whereabouts when we answer calls from spouses and bosses

We throw bottles, paper bags, wrappers, cigarette butts, out of our vehicles' windows

We hoot at vehicles ahead of us in traffic jams, we jump red lights, we jaywalk

We spit anywhere there's a surface, please keep your face and shoes out of the way

We neither allow passengers to alight from matatus, nor let people step out of lifts

We unapologetically barge in

When public universities experience power blackouts we will stone your vehicles

We are proud to be kenyans

When it rains, when we disagree with government policies,

When we protest against harassment by traffic police officers

When Easter, Christmas and New Year's holidays arrive,

We double, triple, even quadruple bus fares

We instantly raise pump prices when global crude oil prices increase

But rarely reduce the former when the latter fall

We seldom renovate our commercial and residential buildings

''Tenant, why is your rent late?''

We are proud to be kenyans

We beg for handouts from our urban-based relatives

We oblige our grown-up children to take care of us in our old age

We expect our husbands to pay all the bills, update our wardrobes, take us out regularly, say, ''I love you,'' often and satisfy us in bed

We expect our wives to be loyal, cook, clean, look sexy, bear us sons and continuously forgive us for our flings

We are proud to be kenyans

copyright 2007: festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia   

We are advised to look up to you

Your wife no longer looks beautiful and sexy

Her cooking is bland, her nagging surpasses the rate of inflation

You discover that the pastor is now her bosom friend

Instead of talking things over you decide it's time to spark old flames

Yet we are advised to look up to you

Your husband no longer looks handsome

His stomach resembles an oil barrel and his performance in-between the sheets? oh shit!

He spends more time in his office seat than with you in cineplex seats

''Darling, I love you,'' is nowadays deficient in his vocabulary

You no longer laugh at his jokes, his wallet is a restricted area

Instead of talking things over you decide it's time to spark old flames

Yet we are advised to look up to you

Your rich brother dies but first let's mourn

After a cross has speared his grave you reckon it's time to inherit his wife and children

If she resists an eviction is in order, please take only your belongings with you

Yet we are advised to look up to you

Before you render a service you demand a bribe

Before you give him or her a job you demand sex

Before you sell a product you wink at your customers and ask them whether they want a receipt with the purchase or not

Yet we are advised to look up to you

copyright 2007: festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

Unprepared for the obituaries

We desire to meet beautiful, intelligent, charming women

Women who earn their own incomes and pay their own bills

Women who will sometimes be willing to go dutch or even take us out at their expense

They may refuse to wash our clothes or scrub floors, but we hope they can and are willing to cook

We desire to meet women who won't solely judge us on the depth of our wallets, height or penis sizes

But judge us mainly according to our character

Women who listen more to their hearts and less to their friends

Women who won't pressure us into a commitment and marriage before we are ready

Women who will maintain their beauty and sexiness even after the honeymoon

Women who will respect and get along with our mothers

Women who will birth healthy babies who will later do well in school, get good jobs, move out of our homes and start their own families

Before then, we pray our faces don't appear in the obituaries

We desire to meet tall, rich, handsome men

Men who will make us go weak in the knees and dramatically increase our heartbeats

Men who will dine us in the finest restaurants, buy us luxurious gifts and fly us to exotic holiday destinations

Men who will hold doors and pull seats for us, men who will call us daily to say, "  How was your day baby?"   ''I'm sorry baby,'' ''I love you baby,'' ''Good night baby''

Men who drive luxurious cars and live in posh neighbourhoods

Men who will focus our eyes on ours' and not on our cleavages (at least on the first date)

Men who will assist us cook and wash dishes

Men who are unafraid of commitment, propose marriage and don't stray

Men who consistently give us multiple orgasms

Men who will be excellent providers to our children

Children who will later do well in school, get good jobs, move out of our homes and start their own families

Men who will spend more time with us than with the boys watching football or at work

Men whose mothers won't interfere in our marriages

Before then, we pray our faces don't appear in the obituaries

We believe we can make our societies better by making a difference

So we vie for parliamentary seats or the presidency

We print T-shirts, we upload websites, we send SMS,' we spend much time on the road strategising, building alliances, addressing rallies, raising campaign funds

We woo voters by promising them smooth roads, affordable education and healthcare, jobs, security, less regulations and taxes for businesses...

Once in office we aim to fulfill our promises

And pray that neither corruption nor sex scandals derail our plans

After the expiry of our terms we aspire to leave unmatched legacies

Before then, we pray our faces don't appear in the obituaries

One day we plan to stop taking orders from our bosses and be our own bosses

We aim to determine our market value, when to go to work, when to leave, when to take leave...

Despite lack of start-up capital and an abundance of discouragement from colleagues, friends, spouses and relatives

We pray our businesses will crawl, walk, run and fly

Create employment for others, contribute to our countries' economies and tax collections

Peerhaps  later take our companies public or leave them to our offspring and pray they survive beyond three generations

Before then, we pray our faces don't appear in the obituaries

copyright 2007: festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia 

Unappreciated

Your calling is to impart knowledge to both adults and children

Your tools of the trade comprise feet, chalk, dusters and voices

You walk to and fro blackboards, write, rub off, ask questions, get answers or sometimes stares, advise and emphasise

The pay is poor but you persevere

When candidates pass national examinations few of us credit you

But when they fail we demand either for your sackings or transfers

During passing out parades you pledge to serve everybody without fear or favour

You wear blue shirts, blouses, trousers, berets, black boots and bear arms

The pay and accommodation are pathetic but you persevere

When crime escalates we say you are inefficient, corrupt...

When you kill armed suspects we accuse you of violating their human rights

When you die in the line of duty your families grieve alone and suffer financial meltdowns

We wake up every morning and find you have prepared breakfast

We wake up every morning and find you have ironed our clothes and polished our shoes

We rush to school and work without thanking you or wishing you a nice day

We come back in the evening and find you have cooked dinner

We come back in the evening and find you have cleaned our homes

We accommodate, feed and even clothe you, so why should we pay you the minimum wage?

But you persevere

Your hourglass figure attracts fathers and sons

Daily your fists bang matatus' bodies as you yell for passengers

Uncombed hair, unironed clothes, cigarette breath, facial scars are your badges of honour

Your speed and sometimes the old-boy networks determine your wages

After passengers fill a matatu, conductors toss you a 'blue' coin to your thirsty palms

We question the relevance of your services

Because who doesn't know his/her destination?

We heed the call that the youth should employ themselves instead of searching for employment

Some of us then buy socks, skirts, kitchenware, bras, blouses...

Line them on pavements and beseech passers-by to buy them for a song

But shopkeepers complain we are blocking their entrances, ruining their businesses and evading taxes

The local authorities criticise us for littering the streets after we leave

The government bans hawking in the city centre but we defy it, prompting riot policemen to bang sense into our skulls

Sometimes we flee peacefully, sometimes we first torch electricity transformers

copyright 2007: festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia    

Tie his vasa

He trusts condoms but recognises they sometimes burst during passionate penis and vagina collision

He dreads the announcement, ''Honey I'm pregnant,"  and won't consider asking her to procure an abortion

He's alert to one consequence of that announcement for the rest of his life: bills, bills, bills

Pl lease surgeon, tie his vasa

He fears advising his children that only academic achievements matter

He fears satisfying his children's material wants, but starving them of their emotional needs

He fears wondering whether he will be too harsh or too soft on them when they misbehave

Pl lease surgeon, tie his vasa

He fears teaching his children that boys play and girls cook

He fears teaching his children that boys hunt and girls get hunted

He fears teaching his children that boys persevere and girls cry

He fears teaching his children that boys study sciences and girls study arts

He fears teaching his children that boys ogle at girls' bodies and girls lust after boys' wallets

P  lease surgeon, tie his vasa

He fears forbidding his children from drinking alcohol yet he will be a bar life member

He fears forbidding his children from littering, yet he will throw a cigarette butt out of the car window

He fears advising children to read widely, yet he won't read anything beyond a newspaper

He fears advising his children to stay cool, calm and collected at all times, yet he will hoot endlessly in traffic and stab the air with his middle finger

P  lease surgeon, tie his vasa

He fears advising his children to be faithful to their future spouses, yet he will keep a mistress

He fears demanding a share of his children's salaries when they begin working

He fears dismissing his daughter's potential husband as unsuitable for her if he isn't from an affluent family, yet welcome his son's potential wife

He fears dying without enough money to pass on to his children

P  lease surgeon, tie his vasa

copyright 2007 festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia 

They keep our flag flying high

While some politicians threaten 'foreigners' with eviction from their constituencies

While some politicians show their grief at funerals by preaching politics

While some politicians suspected of wrongdoing insist on staying put 

Kenyan athletes' feet pound the ground and they win the Olympics 3,000 metres steeplechase

While some high school students experiment with alcohol and narcotics

While some high school students express their frustrations through arson

While some college lecturers demand sexual favours

While some college students give in exchange for excellent grades

Kenyan athletes' feet pound the ground and they win the Boston Marathon

While some women salivate after men's money

While some men lust after women's bodies

While some wives nag their husbands

While some husbands batter their wives

Kenyan athletes' feet pound the ground and they win the New York Marathon

While some matatu crews tamper with speed governors and refuse to wear uniforms

While some matatus' windscreens sport fake insurance stickers

While some matatu conductors 'forget' to return your change but are quick to bribe traffic police officers

Kenyan athletes' feet pound the ground and they win the London Marathon

While some officials mismanage sports associations

While some officials mismanage local authorities

While some officials mismanage educational institutions

Kenyan athletes' feet pound the ground and they win the Rotterdam Marathon

While we throng entertainment joints every weekend

While we frantically do our Christmas shopping on Christmas eve

While motorists splash rainwater on pedestrians when it rains

While cattle rustlers murder, steal, burn and rape during every raid

Kenyan athletes' feet pound the ground and they win the Beijing Marathon

While we watch foreign movies and cheer foreign musicians

While we wear foreign clothing labels and shoes

While we drive used, imported vehicles

Kenyan athletes' feet pound the ground and they win the Fukuoka Road Race

While banks pay us low interest rates on our deposits and charge us high interest rates on loans

While we 'invest' our hard-earned money in pyramid schemes

While we hand over title deeds and log books to shylocks in exchange for 'instant' loans

Kenyan athletes' feet pound the ground and they win the Nairobi International Marathon

Copyright: 2007 festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia   

   

The government is to blame

We elect leaders depending on the depth of their pockets and the sleekness of their tongues

But when they don't fulfill their promises to build roads, schools, hospitals, dams and the like

When they skip parliamentary sessions, sleep during the annual budget speeches, and continuously defect from one political party to the next

We claim the government is to blame

We buy goods and services depending on the price, not quality

Yet when these goods and services turn out to be inferior

We claim the government is to blame

If we like a book we don't buy it, we borrow or steal it

If we like an artiste's music we don't buy the CD, we 'burn' it instead

Yet when our authors and musicians die poor we 'mourn' their deaths and claim the government is to blame

We lack the patience to invest for the long term

So we fall for tricksters who promise to double, triple or quadruple our money in weeks

By the time we realize we have been conned it's too late

And claim the government is to blame

We buy TVs for our children but we don't monitor what they watch

We backbite and insult other people in their presence

We drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes in their presence

Yet when they become social misfits, alcoholics and irredeemable smokers

We claim the government is to blame

When we are advised to use condoms to avoid unplanned pregnancies we say we can't eat sweets with wrappers on

When we are advised to stop discriminating against women to reduce poverty we say traditions are supreme

Yet when aborted fetuses are found in dustbins and poverty levels rise we claim the government is to blame

We know the criminals terrorizing our neighbourhoods but we don't inform the police

We know the peddlers supplying narcotics to our teenage children but we don't inform the police

We know the brewers whose illegal brews render our men conjugal non-starters and economically unproductive but we don't inform the police

Yet we claim the government is to blame for runaway crime, drug addicts and sexually deprived relationships 

copyright 2007: festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

  

Sunset years

We smoked our first cigarettes when we were teenagers

Despite the violent, coughing reaction as our chests rejected the smoky intruder

We still felt a calming sensation as the smoke curled its way towards our central nervous systems

Despite the health risks and inconvenience our puffing caused to others, not to mention the money we have spent on 'cancer sticks', we have been hooked ever since

Will we pay for it during our sunset years?

We drank our first sips of alcohol when we were teenagers

Despite the bitter taste it left on our tongues as it flowed towards our central nervous systems we still felt a calming sensation

Despite the health risks and the inconvenience our imbibing caused to our families and affected our productivity, not to mention the money we have spent on 'the bottles,' we have been hooked ever since

Will we pay for it during our sunset years?

After graduating from college we found good jobs escorted by good salaries

But these jobs grabbed much of our time

We lacked time for our spouses, children and friends

We were too busy to apply for our annual leave

Will we pay for it during our sunset years?

We worked hard for our money but what do we have to show for it?

We effortlessly spent it on the latest fashion

We effortlessly spent it on the latest cars

We effortlessly spent it on get-rich-quick schemes

Burials, weddings, and harambees claimed their unfair share too

Will we pay for it during our sunset years?

We prayed for children and God answered our prayers

We struggled to educate, feed and clothe them

We bought them material things

But we forgot to teach them to say 'please'

We forgot to teach them to say 'sorry'

We forgot to teach them to say 'thank you'

Will we pay for it during our sunset years?

Divorces and separation made us fear marriage

Scandals made us despise politics

Fundamentalism made us weary of religion

Insecurity barred us from interacting with our neighbours

Will we pay for it during our sunset years?

We didn't pursue our dreams because our so-called families discouraged us

We didn't pursue our dreams because our so-called relatives discouraged us

We didn't pursue our dreams because our so-called friends discouraged us

We didn't pursue our dreams because our so-called peers discouraged us

Will we pay for it during our sunset years?

2007 festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

Our lives are also in danger!

Dear politician, you claim your life is in danger because your political opponents are plotting to assassinate you

But picture this, hit men might murder us, ordinary citizens, in our sleep

Carjackers might shoot us if we hesitate to surrender the car keys

We might die in plane crashes or road accidents

Our lives are also in danger!

Dear politician, you claim your life is in danger because your political opponents are plotting to assassinate you

But picture thus, we ordinary citizens might drown as we fetch water from a well

Our siblings might murder us over land disputes

We might die in earthquakes, floods, droughts, landslides...

Our lives are also in danger!

Dear politician, you claim your life is in danger because your political opponents are plotting to assassinate you

But picture this, an incomplete building might collapse and bury us construction workers alive

Cattle rustlers might roast us inside our huts as they steal our livestock

Terrorists might blow up buildings, vehicles or even themselves near us

Our lives are also in danger!

Dear politician, you claim your life is in danger because your political opponents are plotting to assassinate you

But picture this, rapists might rape and then strangle our children

Rapists might rape and murder our women

Rapists might sodomize and murder our men

Our lives are also in danger!

Dear politician, you claim your life is in danger because your political opponents are plotting to assassinate you

But picture this, we ordinary citizens might die after drinking outlawed brews

We might die after eating contaminated food

We might die of strokes, heart attacks, malaria, diabetes...

We might die of a drug overdose

Our lives are also in danger!

Dear politician, you claim your life is in danger because your political opponents are plotting to assassinate you

But picture this, skinheads might fatally stab us because of our skin colour

Fanatics might murder us over religious differences

We might commit suicide after losing our jobs and can't provide for our families

Our lives are also in danger!

2007. festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia  

How come?

Some people were born poor, didn't attend high school or dropped out

Yet they live in posh neighbourhoods and drive luxurious vehicles

They take exotic holidays locally and abroad

They wear fashionable clothes and sport stylish mobile phones

They educate their children in expensive schools and universities

How come?

Citizens of some countries have a high life expectancy

They have built superb roads, railways, airports and ports

They access affordable and reliable healthcare, electricity and water supplies

Their politicians resign when scandals damage their reputations

Taking shortcuts is frowned at, integrity is prized

How come?

Most relatives despise you if your parents are rich

Other relatives regard handouts as a birthright

Most relatives won't assist you when you're alive, but they will contribute money towards your burial expenses

How come?

Most politicians deride their opponents because of their tribes

Most politicians deride their opponents because of their gender

Most politicians deride their opponents because of their sexual orientation

And most politicians blame immigrants for their countries' economic and social ills

How come?

Some countries possess minerals, but they remain poor or at war

Most countries possess no minerals, yet they have prospered and enjoy peace

Some countries are vulnerable to natural disasters so they take mitigating measures

Some countries are battered by natural disasters, yet they don't learn from them

How come?

Some religions claim they are the only salvation conduits

Some religions encourage their followers to take up arms to defend the faith

Some religions permit women leaders and gay clergy

Most religions can't fathom that

How come?

2007 festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

Dear mums and dads

Yes, you denied yourselves life's luxuries so that we could join high school

Yes, you borrowed loans payable at usurious interest rates and you took time off from work to buy suitcases, books, uniforms, shoes and other requirements

One afternoon after paying first-term school fees you bid us farewell saying, "Study hard my son and be a good boy"

Afterwards senior students escorted us to our dormitories

They asked us too many questions about us and said nothing about themselves

When we reached our beds they demanded payments for 'services' rendered

We parted with some chapattis our dear mothers had cooked

That was just the beginning

Tea contains more tea leaves and water than milk and sugar

We are entitled to only one slice of bread daily, no margarine spread, thank you very much

Weevils abundantly swim in 'murram' soup during lunch and supper daily

Dear mums, dads, we request for transfers to day schools

Now most senior students force us to wash their clothes

Now most senior students force us to polish their shoes

Now most senior students force us to be their messengers

Dear mums, dads, we request for transfers to day schools

We are forbidden from unofficial contact with girls

We are forbidden from wearing civilian clothes even during weekends

We are forbidden from speaking our mother tongues even after lessons

Dear mums, dads, we request for transfers to day schools

The prefects wear trousers while we wear shorts

They demand portions of the mandazis, chapattis, biscuits, etc that you bring when you visit us

They possess the power to punish us for any 'offence' anywhere, anytime

They force to play sports we dislike

Dear mums, dads, we request for transfers to day schools

Sometimes we wake up and alas, there's no water, so we have to bath and wash our uniforms in a nearby river   

Sometimes we come back to the dormitories after afternoon classes to find either our shirts missing or our suitcases broken into

Sometimes during night preps electricity vanishes

Dear mums, dads, we request for transfers to day schools

Often we misuse the pocket money you give us on opening day and remain broke until closing day

We can't watch TV, movies, play music or surf the net whenever and however we like

The bell unfairly limits our sleeping hours

Dear mums, dads, we request for transfers to day schools

Copyright 2007. festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia 

Don't remind us that old age beckons

We are looking forward to meeting people, visiting exotic places

We are looking forward to wearing designer clothes, shoes, jewelry...

We are looking forward to attending concerts, watching movies, driving luxurious vehicles...

So please don't remind us that old age beckons

Who's looking forward to gray hair or baldness, wrinkled faces, hobbled walks?

Who's looking forward to porous immune systems, empty purses and wallets?

Who's looking forward to menopause and prostate cancer?

Who's looking forward to loneliness and senility?

So please don't remind us that old age beckons

We are looking forward to dating, marrying, raising families, building homes, growing older together with our partners

We are looking forward to exploiting mineral resources, and often, other people

We are looking forward to vying for political seats, ascending the corporate ladder

So please don't remind us that old age beckons

Who's looking forward to being told we are too old to learn new things?

Who's looking forward to being told that our views are old fashioned?

Who's looking forward to being reminded about past lost opportunities?

So please don't remind us that old age beckons

Copyright 2007. festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

Do we have to pray tonight?

Last night we slept in fits and starts thanks to mosquitoes humming lullabies in our ears

When we awoke in the morning electricity and water were missing

The mathree we boarded broke down up a hill, forcing us to find alternative transport

Our supervisors criticised us for arriving to work late

During the day we read and responded to many emails

During the day we made and answered many phone calls

During the day we received and sent many text messages

In the evening we encountered winding traffic jams

Our bodies were tired when we reached home

Do we have to really, really pray tonight?

During the day we had to contend with rude colleagues

During the day we had to contend with dissatisfied clients

During the day we attended unnecessary meetings

In the evening we encountered winding traffic jams

Our bodies were tired when we reached home

Do we have to really, really pray tonight?

During the day we worked extra hours to beat deadlines

During the day we worked out at gyms

During the day we attended workshops, refresher courses, evening classes...

In the evening we encountered winding traffic jams

Our bodies were tired when we reached home

Do we have to really, really pray tonight?

During the day we lost our mobile phones to muggers

During the day we paid parking fees to both the Nairobi City Council parking attendants and something extra to street children to 'protect' our side mirrors from thieves

During the day we saw a former colleague, schoolmate, neighbour... in the obituaries

In the evening we encountered winding traffic jams

Our bodies were tired when we reached home

Do we have to really, really pray tonight?

Copyright 2007 festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

Dear finance minister

Dear finance minister

We mobile phone service providers play a vital role in the economy

We enable businesses and individuals communicate in real-time

We employ many employees and pay billions in taxes to the government annually

Have we mentioned that we give back to the community through our corporate social responsibility programs?

So if you reduce the excise duty on airtime and abolish import duty on handsets 

We will connect more subscribers who will then communicate often and cheaply, thereby earning more revenue for the government

Please favourably consider our request before you present this year's budget to parliament

Thank you

Dear finance minister

We cement manufacturers play a vital role in the economy

Without cement no construction can commence

We employ many people and pay billions in taxes to the government annually

Have we mentioned that we give back to the community through our corporate social responsibility programs?

So if you reduce the cost of electricity and either reduce or remove import duty on packaging paper and machinery

Construction activities will increase, from which both the economy and government will benefit

Please favourably consider our request before you present this year's budget to parliament

Thank you 

Dear finance minister

we banks play a vital role in the economy

We provide credit to businesses and individuals which enables them achieve their goals

We employ many people and pay billions in taxes to the government annually

Have we mentioned that we give back to the community through our corporate social responsibility programs?

So if you reduce the amount of money that we keep at the central bank as reserves

We will lend more money to more businesses and individuals that will engender economic and social development

Please favourably consider our request before you present this year's budget to parliament

Thank you 

Dear finance minister

We vehicle manufacturers play a crucial role in the economy

We enable people and goods reach their destinations and markets

We employ many people and pay billions in taxes to the government annually

Have we mentioned that we give back to the community through our corporate social responsibility programs?

So if you ban the importation of second-hand vehicles or raise the import duty

And allocate more money to road construction and maintenance

We will sell more vehicles, which means more people and goods will reach their destinations and markets faster, fresher and safer

Please favourably consider our request before you present this year's budget to parliament

Thank you

Dear finance minister

We publishers play a vital role in the economy

Our books, magazines, newspapers, novels and other reading material educate and entertain many readers

We employ many people and pay billions in taxes to the government annually

Have we mentioned that we give back to the community through our corporate social responsibility programs?

So if you reduce import duty on paper and machinery

More readers will afford our products and they will be informed

Which is a requirement in today's knowledge economy

Please favourably consider our request before you present this year's budget to parliament

Thank you 

Dear finance minister

We hawkers, craftsmen, roadside mechanics and caterers and other informal sector entrepreneurs play a crucial role in the economy

We sell cheap products and services to our-low income customers

We create employment opportunities for people unable to secure formal sector work

Our costs are high and profits small

But if you require us to obtain licences and start paying income tax, VAT, corporate tax and other levies

We will go bankrupt and our employees will lose their jobs

Our low-income customers will lack life's basic necessities, not to mention their right to choose

Please favourably consider our request before you present this year's budget to parliament

Thank you

Copyright 2007. festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

Dear father

Dear father and husband, how are you? Forgive us, your wife and children, for disturbing your soul as it rests in peace six feet under

But we have to let you know how we have fared since you died one year ago

During your funeral many speakers from both genders, different faiths, political affiliations, educational and economic achievements

Their hands on the microphone, some steady, others trembling, spoke highly of your educational, personal and professional accomplishments

They praised you for being a role model for marrying and raising a family

They cited occasions when you demonstrated generosity of time and wallet

After the cleric uttered, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust," we lowered your coffin to the ground and mourners went their separate ways

Grief and sorrow still resided in our hearts and minds: we, your children; and your wife

But that didn't stop vultures comprising your relatives and siblings, from swooping down on your earthly assets for their unfair share

Your clothes, shoes, books, CDs, electronics and even furniture were fair game

They said it was just the beginning and they would be back

Creditors followed, claiming you owed them millions and demanded their money back

Otherwise they would auction your property to the highest bidder at the fall of the hammer

None of your relatives and siblings offered to assist us settle your liabilities

A woman accompanied by children later joined the cast, insisting you married her under customary law a decade ago!

Dear father and husband, why didn't you have the will to write a will? 

What were we, your wife and children; to do?

Give in to their demands or dispute these claims?

Their lust forced us to file a court case and hire a lawyer

But the wheels of justice rotated too slowly

Our mother had to prove she was your wife by producing a marriage certificate

We, your children, had to prove you were our biological father by tabling birth certificates

The vultures, creditors and your other 'wife' had chances to argue why they merited membership in your estate

These court sessions stole much of our time and cost us a bundle in bus fare, communications, accommodation, lawyer's fees...

Not to mention the mental anguish

Dear father and husband, why didn't you have the will to write a will?

By the time the wheels of justice gained momentum

We were financially and psychologically exhausted

The court ruled that the creditors had to be repaid in installments, and your other children deserved a share of your estate just like us! 

Fortunately your other 'wife's,' siblings' and relatives' claims were dismissed with costs 

Though our lawyer will grin all the way to his bank or banks

We, your wife and children; were left with nothing to write to you about

Dear father and husband, why didn't you inform us you had another family?

Dear father and husband, why didn't you inform us about your liabilities?

Dear father and husband, why didn't you have the will to write a will?

Copyright 2007. festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

Because of our children

We leave our homes early and come back late

We work most weekends and rarely take leave

We seldom spend time with either our children or spouses

Our sex drives are in reverse gear

We have to constantly prove ourselves at work and beat deadlines

Competition for promotions is ruthless

Our presence at company functions is highly appreciated and noticed

We detest doing it, but we do it because we have to clothe, educate and feed our children

Our job is to serve customers food and drinks

The hours are long and the pay is shameful

The music is always loud and the air foggy with cigarette smoke and fake achievements

Some men, irrespective of their marital statuses, wink at us, request for our mobile phone numbers, tip us, stare at our cleavages, curves and even regularly grab our asses!

We detest doing it, but we do it because we have to clothe, educate and feed our children

Daily we descend on pavements like vultures on carcasses

We risk contracting sore throats because of shouting to woo passers-by to buy the cheap items on offer: garments, cutlery, DVDs, shoes, etc

Shopkeepers complain that we litter the streets after we 'close' shop and also evade paying taxes

Frequently City askaris chase us away, arrest our colleagues, confiscate our stocks and ban us from Nairobi's streets 

But tomorrow we will be back not because we like it, but because we have to clothe, educate and feed our children

Our job is to ensure our male employers' compounds are clean and green

But their daughters and wives desire us to make them moan and groan when the coast is clear

We are young, energetic and muscular, and we neither smoke nor drink

These virtues boost our stock prices

Refusing their advances will cost us our jobs

We detest giving in, but we do it because we have to clothe, educate and feed our children

We have basic education but are unemployed and unconnected at high places

We possess business ideas but lack collateral for credit

If we resort to crime we might get lynched, shot dead, imprisoned or hanged

So we pack rubber dinghies and pray we safely cross the Mediterranean and land on Europe's shores where fortunes await us to harvest

We might drown or get caught and deported

But we have to do it because we have to clothe, educate and feed our children

When we informed our boyfriends we were carrying their offspring in our wombs they took off like rockets

Our families worsened our predicaments by chasing us away from our homes for staining their good names

Neither our friends nor relatives wished to assist us or associate with us

And we considered abortion too risky

Despair forced us to hawk sex along the streets, in hotels, brothels...

Some clients are reasonable, use condoms and pay us well

Others want a good time on lean budgets or for free, while others make beastly demands

We risk police harassment or imprisonment or both

We detest doing it, but we do it because we have to clothe, educate and feed our children

We are in charge of government procurement

Every year we decide who wins or loses lucrative tenders

But our salaries are emaciated and morale stillborn

It pains us even more when businessmen and women laugh all the way to the banks

So next time we request you to buy 'lunch' before we favourably examine your bid

We are not doing it because we like it, but because we have to clothe, educate and feed our children too

Before we married our current husbands we were so in love with them

They used to hold our hands whenever and wherever

They used to call us and say, "I love you darling," or "Good night darling"

They used to hold doors for us, pull seats for us, and were generous with money

But once we married them things changed: no more dates, calls, gifts...

And yeah, money suddenly became scarce

Some began emotionally and physically assaulting us, while others began sprinting after other women

We are still life members of these marriages not because we like it, but because we depend on these husbands to clothe, educate and feed our children

Copyright 2007. festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia

10 reasons

10 reasons

Most of the time he fixes his eyes on yours and not on your cleavage, first reason why you like him

He listens more than he talks, second reason why you like him

He has a job and doesn't live with his mother, third reason why you like him

He uses a condom and he's not a one-minute man, fourth reason why you like him

He doesn't appear at your front door uninvited, fifth reason why you like him

Bars, casinos, nightclubs and strip clubs aren't his second homes, sixth reason why you like him

He appreciates the benefits of water, soap, roll on, comb, ironed clothes, toothpaste, clean underwear, socks and shoes; seventh reason why you like him

He budgets before spending, eighth reason why you like him

He keeps his fingers off your cash and car keys, ninth reason why you like him

He often compliments you and makes you laugh, tenth reason why you like him

But despite these virtues, they say he's too young for you!

She understands you don't have to call, sms, or email her daily, first reason why you like her

She doesn't demand you take her to the movies, clubs, or money to do her hair every weekend, second reason why you like her

She doesn't 'flash' you or request you to sms her airtime, third reason why you like her

She earns her own income and pays her bills, fourth reason why you like her

She tells you what she wants and how she wants it in-between the sheets, fifth reason why you like her

She doesn't pressure you for a commitment, sixth reason why you like her

She doesn't nag you to buy a car, live in a posh neighbourhood, or get a better paying job, seventh reason why you like her

When you're broke she will go Dutch or even spend money on you, eighth reason why you like her

She works out regularly to stay healthy and sexy, ninth reason why you like her

She calls you to ask how your day was and wish you a good night, tenth reason why you like her

But despite these virtues, they say she's too old for you!

Copyright 2007. festus mbuimwe aka wamoronjia